The Four Agreements: A Leadership Survival Guide (Minus the Incense and Spirit Animals)

Leadership books love to give us “frameworks” that sound great in theory but feel like IKEA instructions in practice—confusing, missing pieces, and somehow you’re left holding a random screw. Enter The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Spoiler: it’s not a leadership book, but damn if it doesn’t cut through the nonsense better than most of the ones stacked on your CEO’s credenza.

Now, I’ll be honest. I used to think being “likable” was the golden ticket to leadership. Wrong. Likability actually stunts growth—both mine and my team’s. When I dodged hard conversations, employee development stalled, accountability evaporated, and the same issues just kept resurfacing like bad leftovers. What I’ve learned: hard conversations, when tackled head-on, are not only easier than the mental gymnastics of avoidance, they’re powerful in the moment. Directness doesn’t damage relationships; it builds trust and momentum.

So let’s apply Ruiz’s Four Agreements to leadership—without the sage-burning, and with just enough sarcasm to keep us awake through another meeting that should have been an email.

Agreement #1: Be Impeccable with Your Word

Translation for leaders: say what you mean, mean what you say, and stop sugarcoating feedback because you’re afraid Jan from accounting will cry.

Words are your currency as a leader, and the exchange rate tanks when you waste them on vague corporate jargon. If you’re telling your team “we’ll circle back,” but secretly mean “this idea is DOA,” congratulations—you’ve just traded clarity for cowardice.

Being impeccable doesn’t mean being an asshole. It means cutting the fluff. Tell people what’s working, what’s not, and what needs to happen next. Your team doesn’t want your TED Talk on synergy; they want to know if their job is safe and whether you’re going to fix the broken process that makes their life miserable.

Real talk: stop confusing being nice with being clear. People don’t respect leaders who dodge the truth—they just stop trusting you.

Agreement #2: Don’t Take Anything Personally

Here’s the deal: sometimes people are mad at the situation, not you. If your team is grumbling about “leadership,” they’re not necessarily picturing your face on a dartboard. (Though, let’s be honest, sometimes they are.)

Leadership isn’t about being universally adored; it’s about being consistently respected. And respect comes from making decisions that serve the mission, not your ego. When you take criticism personally, you spiral into defensiveness and over-explaining. Suddenly, you’re holding a town hall to justify a scheduling change instead of actually fixing the damn schedule.

Detach your self-worth from every piece of feedback. Listen, learn, and then decide if it’s relevant. Not every complaint requires a therapy session.

Agreement #3: Don’t Make Assumptions

Oh, this one’s a classic. Leaders love to assume:

• “They should already know this.”

• “If it was a problem, someone would have said something.”

• “Everyone’s fine with this new policy.”

Newsflash: they don’t, they won’t, and they aren’t. Assumptions are the breeding ground for miscommunication, resentment, and those whispered Slack messages you’re not in.

Here’s the fix: ask questions, clarify expectations, and stop pretending you’re a mind reader. You’re not Miss Cleo. Clear beats clever every time.

Agreement #4: Always Do Your Best

This isn’t a rally cry for burnout. “Always do your best” means showing up with the effort and energy you actually have, not the Instagram version of perfection. Some days, your best is delivering a killer presentation. Other days, your best is keeping your cool when the printer jams before the board meeting.

As a leader, modeling this agreement creates a culture where effort is respected, not just outcomes. Your best won’t always look the same, and neither will your team’s. The key is consistency—bringing what you’ve got, every time, without phoning it in.

Clingy Consulting Takeaways (a.k.a. BS-Free Leadership Notes)

• Likability is overrated. Directness builds growth and trust.

• Say what you mean—corporate jargon is just cowardice in khakis.

• Criticism isn’t always about you. Don’t spiral, just listen.

• Assumptions kill clarity. Ask the damn question.

• Your best today might not be your best tomorrow. That’s fine—just show up.

Bottom line: Leadership doesn’t need another bloated framework. It needs leaders willing to be clear, consistent, and courageous—even if that means being less “likable.” Because when the hard conversations are tackled head-on, everybody grows.